How To Dress Your INTJ

Having trouble getting your Meyers-Briggs INTJ into clothes that don't embarrass you?  I wrote this essay for you.  

*Disclaimer: your expectations should be exceedingly low*

1. Convince your INTJ they need clothes.

Does your INTJ accept their need for clothing?  If so, skip to step 2.  If not, continue with step 1. Your focus should be to convince your INTJ that wearing clothing is a rational use of time and energy.  This should be fairly easy.  These points of argument might be helpful:

  • Inform your INTJ of local nudity laws (you may also need recent case law indicating current enforcement.)
  •  Point out the efficiency benefits of conforming to certain cultural norms.

2. Help your INTJ decide what clothing is appropriate for each environment they frequent.

  • Avoid terms like "you have to look nice" or "people want you to look a certain way."  Your INTJ does not inherently care about looking nice or what other people want him to look like.  Your explanation should not rely on subjective observations.  
  • Try things like "I know it's not rational but . . . people are more comfortable with an attorney who is dressed semi-professionally.  Of course I know it has no bearing on their case or your work, but they don't.  It could cause unnecessary distractions and delays if you wear your pokeball pajamas."
  • Is your INTJ a child?  Good freaking luck to you.  
  • Give up on trying to get your INTJ to wear certain clothing to places like the grocery store.  The point of going to the grocery store is to buy food.  The store will sell your INTJ the food whether he is wearing a tux, a Captain America costume (pipe dream of mine, but I digress), or his pokeball pj's.  You have no valid reason for dictating a particular type of clothing.  Just stop it.    
  • Your INTJ might be interested in a the concept of a uniform.  Perhaps a certain outfit for work, a certain outfit for church, and another for special occasions.  For laundry purposes, one or more of these outfits may need duplicates.  
  • Assure your INTJ that his comfort is top priority, and will never be sacrificed in the name of looking good.

3. Buy clothes

When it comes to shopping, your INTJ most likely thinks, "Can someone else do this for me?"  An INTJ who has not learned to outsource efforts to conform to dumb cultural expectations is an unhappy INTJ.  Your INTJ may or may not want to outsource this task (We're not all the same, gah.)

You might be thinking you'll just do the shopping.  You're high on the victory of convincing your person to dress "nice" and you can't wait to pick out clothes like they are some sort of INTJ doll.  If this is you, your INTJ probably does not want you to do this.  You are too close to this.  You will do something crazy like purchase various accessories and body decorations which require daily swapping in a ritualistic attempt to coordinate the bobbles and extra bits of fabric with the day's outfit.  Don't do this terrible thing.  

If it can't be outsourced, unpleasant tasks should at least be done with as much efficiency and as little human interaction as possible.  The Internet is just tops for this task.  

Ask your INTJ what he thinks is the most efficient way to get the wardrobe items he needs.  This simple question will accomplish several important things.  Your INTJ will know you are on your way to understanding him (You understand his love of efficiency!), you will have acknowledged his intelligence (he likely isn't insecure about his intelligence, but you get credit for noticing), and he is more likely to follow through now that the task has been framed as an efficiency challenge.

Congratulations!  The only thing left is to not make the shopping process so unbearable that your INTJ quits in favor of the book from which you have been distracting him this whole time.  If you think you can avoid this while helping, may the odds be ever in your favor.  

INTJs reading this will likely point out all of the ways this essay is wrong and fails to peg their particular nuances.  To you I say, chill.  I'm just having a little fun (also, I am one of you and totally come in peace.)