BELOW YOU WILL FIND THE MEDITATIONS, LAMENTATIONS, & PRAYERS FROM THE BOOK “CAPTURING THOUGHTS.” I WANTED THESE WORDS TO BE FREE TO READ SOMEWHERE AND THAT IS HERE. PURCHASE THE BOOK HERE

 
People will misunderstand me but you will not. You are my God, my hiding place, my enormous, towering, impenetrable fortress. you see all of me, know all of me, understand all of me and love all of me anyway.
i am breathing. today i am breathing. one breath in and one breath out. repeat. today i am breathing and it is enough. sometimes breathing is enough, and I am doing it. I am breathing.
i’m remembering something i did las night or last year or a decade ago and the embarrassment is fresh, but i will not replay this in my mind. i will think of something positive i added to the world last night or last year or a decade ago.
i am not the mistake i made. i am not. i am an imperfect person who is perfectly loved. i am sometimes mistaken but i am never a mistake. my words are sometimes wrong, my attitude is sometimes wrong, my actions are sometimes wrong, but my existence is never wrong. i am here for a reason
i am not in charge of the world. i am not in charge of anyone else’s life. i’m not even in charge of my own life. ou are in charge, Lord. none of this is on my shoulders. nothing i can do will mess up your plans for the world, for humanity.
i have you, god. i have you. i have the only thing I need. if everything else disappears - if i am hated - if no human being can bring themselves to love me - if i make such a grave mistake that all of humanity rejects me - you will not. your love does not give up on me. in you, i have a clean slate every day.
i survived yesterday and i will survive today. some yesterdays i ran, some i walked, some i was carried, some i was dragged, but i survived each of them. and i will look back on this one and say i survived it too. you are with me and you are for me.
he is everything. all things. the one thing. the only thing. he is all i could want, everything i could hope for, everything i could possibly need. he is it. the minute i want more, i am enslaved. the minute i think i need something more to be happy or fulfilled- that is the minute i step into a prison cell and slam the door. freedom is knowing i need nothing more than christ.
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nothing will stop me from worshipping at the feet of jesus. nothing. no quarrel, no guilt trip, no judging eye of man watching my every move -nothing. i belong here, I belong at his feet, i belong.
I’m chasing you. and nothing happening right now can keep me from you. suffering only makes me want you more. the disapproval of others only makes me appreciate your unwavering acceptance. all of the things i cannot hold make me more grateful for how you hold everything and how you hold all of me.
i surrender and he provides. i don’t hold it all together - i abide and he holds me. and it doesn’t mean everything is juicy peaches under a warm summer sun - it just means it’s not all on my puny shoulders. i am lifted and loved and held.
i have not ruined god’s plan for the world. i have not ruined gods plan for me. i am important and cherished and loved and here iwth a purpose - but i am not powerful enough to mess up god’s plan
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someone doesn’t like me. maybe more than one. maybe ten or a hundred or even a thousand. you like me though. you, god - my creator, my potter - you like how you have made me. you look on my and see something worthy of creation, worthy of love, worthy of like. someone doesn’t like me and it stings a little but your love - a love so intense it would do anything for me
things did not work out the way I wanted. my mind wants to roll it around and rewind and replay and run through ways it could have gone better. i’m going to try something different. i’m going to say things didn’t work out the way i wanted and i’m going to let past me off the hook.
i don’t know why but every cell in my body seems ready to explode into a thousand bits. it won’t. my body will not explode. i will not explode. i will breathe. i will breathe and i will remind myself this will pass. i will not feel on the brink of explosion forever. i will feel light again. i will feel peace again. my god has not left me. he is right here with me, he is right here for me.
this is not going to last forever. this feeling is right now, but it is not forever. this is temporary. i was made for the eternal. i look forward to eternity in the kingdom of heaven. this will not last forever.
i’m carrying things on my shoulders - things i am no meant to bear. they are tight and heavy with the burden. i am giving these to you, god. i am breathing in slowly, and breathing out tension
i have what i need for today. i do not have tomorrow figured out, or next week, or next month, but i have what i need for today. i am going to breathe in this reminder and breath out gratitude. i am going to praise the name of my god because i have what i need for today.
bring me home to you, draw me back, rein me in. let me rest at your feet, protected by your promises, filled with your spirit, surrounded by your perfect peace.
i’m not good enough. not good enough for the people i’m entrusted to love and not good enough to deserve the grace and forgiveness given to me freely. it’s true. but i am given unlimited grace and forgiveness freely anyway.
your mercy is new every single day. your grace is all i need. your love covers all of it - every misstep, every tripped-over word, all of it. your mercy is new every single day. your grace is all i need.
I am small and so are the things around me but i can run to and rest under the one who is bigger than time itself. i will find rest in you lord.
today i am going to life these heavy feet and maybe i’ll inch forward of maybe i’ll stay where i am but no matter what i will breathe because god isn’t one with me quite yet
they don’t agree. they don’t have to. i don’t have to make them. i don’t have to replay conversations in my head. I don’t have to have imaginary ones either. i can ask god how best to love them in this moment. what does love require of me in this moment, in this situation?
take the thing lord. take this thing rolling around in my mind with spokes. take it from me. and every time i try to take it back please take it again.
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