5 Reason To Leave Dance Classes To The Girls

**If you are tempted to cuss me out after reading this, you missed something ;)**

I am seeing more of my mom friends signing their sons up for dance classes and I can stay silent no longer.  You are doing your son, his generation, and basically all of humanity a huge disservice.   

Don't do it.  If you need more articulate reasons, I've written out five.  You're welcome.

1. IT IS FOR GIRLS

I'm not sure why I have to explain this. Go to a dance studio - they are filled to the brim with little girls.  You might be thinking parents like me, who discourage and/or refuse to allow their boys to dance, are partially to blame for the lack of boys.  You would be wrong.  It is mostly girls because boys don't like to dance.  Ever see a toddler boy dance out of nowhere just for the joy of dancing?  I didn't think so.  Dancing is for girls.

Enrolling your son in a dance class is basically like saying you wanted a daughter, and congratulations because you are halfway there. 

2. WE NEED MEN TO BE STRONG

Sign your kid up for frilly, froo froo crap like dancing and you are going to end up with a frilly, froo froo kid.  It's science. And it's common sense. Since common sense isn't common, let me explain. We need tough guys, like soldiers and firemen and farmers. Real men are strong, they lift heavy things, they sit with their hand in their pants, they don't have feelings, and they definitely do not dance. Masculinity, the way I decide to define it, is suffering in our culture and trust me when I say the world will head into a downward spiral if we lose it

If you sign your kid up for dance, you are contributing to the decline of masculinity-as-I-define-it, and probably the end of the world.

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Big thanks to SSG Enriquez for these three images, and for your service!

3. IT IS NOT SEXY

Girls aren't attracted to men who dance.  Somewhere in the mid-20th century, western culture collectively relegated dancing to girls. Girls dancing = sexy.  Boys dancing = he's probably gay. Boys got legos, girls got dancing.  Deal with it. Also, in case you missed it, thin eyebrows and butts have been replaced by thick ones.  Get with the times.  

If you want grandchildren, like, ever, don't put your son in dance.

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Thanks again to SSG Enriquez for allowing me to use this gravity defying image.  (Jumping out of character for a minute, but seriously, are dancers not incredible athletes?  So flipping impressive. Okay, back to hating on dance for boys.)

4. THEY WEAR GIRL CLOTHES

Boys wear certain clothing and girls wear certain clothing.  This is the way of the world.  It is how we do things.  Boys in dance mess with the system.  Skinny jeans are bad enough, but tights?  Are we being serious?  Next we'll have boys in dresses.  

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5. HE SHOULD BE PLAYING SPORTS

Put him in a dang sport!  You know, somewhere he will learn strength and control and team work - something actually difficult, something requiring skill.  Somewhere he won't be surrounded by so many girls, because, as we know, being surrounded by women in tight clothing will make him gay.  Real men play football and don't dance. The previous sentence is what's called a "true dichotomy." Look it up.  I know things. 

Above: Calvin Johnson, Von Miller, then Rashad Jennings on Dancing With The Stars

For the love of all that is good and holy, leave dancing to girls.  If your boys want to dance, try shaming them, that seems to have worked for the past five or six decades.