An Open Letter To Drivers Who Share The Road With Me

First, I am sorry - sincerely sorry.  Nearly ever American driver will rate themselves as better than average, which is funny, but also leads to the only nice thing I can say about my own driving skills: at least I don't overestimate them. 

I've met worse drivers - I've been hit by worse - but my driving skills are way below average. When asked if he was scared for my safety while I was in Iraq, my Grandfather hilariously responded "yeah, but the people on the roads here are safer with her off of them."  

If there were a convenient way for me to avoid bothering all of you with my poor driving, I would instantly take advantage.  I have a dream of no longer owning a vehicle and instead paying for rides. But this is fantasy for now, so in the meantime, while you are forcibly exposed to my driving, I apologize.

And if I've just done something stupid or annoying and you are about to lash out from inside your car, I need you to know this:

There's a 90% chance I have no idea what I did to tick you off.  At my worst, I am completely in my head.  I'm considering something deeply philosophical, or, more likely, deciding what to watch next on Netflix.  At my best, I'm hyper-vigilant, which is more a neurosis than a helpful state of mind for driving.  

If I even notice you flipping me off or shouting obscenities or flailing your fists around, I'm usually at a loss for explaining your behavior.  

So if I stop too long or too fast or not long enough, or if I'm going too slow or the wrong way in a parking lot, just know I am sorry.  

Also, know that your inside-the-car outburst will either go entirely unnoticed, or will be a source of amusement.  Personally, I don't think it is a particularly valuable use of energy, but I certainly won't discourage you from expressing yourself.

Feels good to get this off my chest.  Thanks for listening, internet.