I Suck At Parenting And Other Reasons I Homeschool (Feat. Andy Dwyer)

We are homeschooling this year and by "we" I mean me.  We're doing school at the hizzouse and saying weird things like "hizzouse."  After half a year, I think it's safe to say it's going splendidly - at least 20x better than our attempt at public Kindergarten.  I meant to share a bit about why I'm homeschooling The B BEFORE we started the school year, but, alas, I did not.  I'm doing it today, and feeling a bit saucy, so you're welcome (or I'm sorry).
 

1. I Suck At Parenting

This is me, trying to get just one child to school on time, dressed for the weather, and with adequate sustenance:

As with most things related to life as a human, I struggle with those bits of parenting others seem to find doable if not easy.  Most of my friends have multiple children and manage to get them dressed and off to school every day - or at least often enough to avoid letters from the principal.  I find getting a child dressed, fed, clean enough, and off to school so difficult that once accomplished I genuinely feel I have exerted enough energy for the day.  This is no way to live 180 days of the year.

2. I Can Do This One Thing

Me, teaching things.  (I like to think I am half as fun as Andy but twice as smart, which adds up to three quarters as awesome. I'll take it.)

I may suck at getting a child up and fed and dressed every day by a certain time AND convincing the child to leave the house, but teaching is something I can do.  

By homeschooling, I'm trading out something I hate and can barely do with something I enjoy and do well. I'm trading out a source of dissension for a source of connection (mostly).

3. Education Is Top Priority

Education is top priority for me AND my ideas about what constitutes education differ a bit from the standard education system found in the western world.  Since it's muy importante AND local schools aren't going to do it in a way that lines up with my educational values, I'm going to do it while I can. 

(I wanted to write more than these two sentences, but without writing an entire essay I'm afraid it will come across as judgmental about your education choices when in reality I could not care less how you choose to educate your own kids. Glad we cleared that up.)  

4. My Kid Is So Cool And School Is So Long

Me and the B on a Thursday:

All the terribleness of fighting to get somewhere in the morning and then I miss out on the awesomeness that is my kid for the rest of the day?  All the morning no-fun-at-all shenanigans only to have him come home for food and help with homework and to fight about bedtime?  No, sir.  No thank you.  

I'll take all of that awesomeness with me for a few more years.  Teachers tend to not want it anyway - it's "distracting to other students" and "negatively affects the learning environment."  

5. This Is Not A Reason, Just My Favorite Andy GIF